How Embracing Your Sensitivity Can Benefit Your Relationship


“Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.” ~Unknown

If you are a sensitive person like me, you may think being sensitive is problematic. Especially when it comes to love and relationships.

Maybe you’ve been called “too sensitive” by your partner or a parent. Maybe you feel overly emotional or have strong reactions to things or take things personally that don’t bother your partner, or you are easily irritated or get cranky all too often, or you feel the urge to be alone a lot more than you think you should in a healthy relationship.

If so, you may believe you really are too sensitive.

Now, sensitivity can cause problems in our relationships when we’re operating unconsciously and feel at its mercy. That tends to bring out the harder aspects of sensitivity.

I know this all too well. Not knowing I was a highly sensitive person, and not understanding how to work with my sensitivity, was the biggest reason my first marriage ended in divorce.

And even before that, most of my life I thought something was wrong with me because of what I now recognize is my genetic trait of high sensitivity.

I hear the same from so many sensitive women I speak with.

But I’d like to flip that perception on its head. Because high sensitivity is often misunderstood and totally undervalued. Particularly when it comes to marriage and intimate relationships.

Think about it: What do most women want more of in their relationship?

They want their partner to be more attentive to them. To have more understanding of what’s going on for them. To be more responsive to their words and gestures. To be more tender with them. To be more conscious of them.

I always wanted my first husband to be deeper with me. More caring and empathetic. More in touch with himself and his feelings…

If you, too, would like more of any of the above in your relationship, then what you want is more sensitivity. All those things are what “sensitive” means.

Sensitive is defined as: attuned to, aware of subtleties, caring, sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, understanding, perceptive, conscious of, responsive to, alive to…

Sensitivity is, in fact, exactly what we need more of in our relationships, not less. It’s an asset in love. 

And if you are also a sensitive person, you were built to embody it. To bring all of those juicy delights to your relationship.

If you were born an HSP, it’s a cause for celebration. We are made for love.

Once we’ve done our own work to develop the best aspects and manage the challenging parts of the trait, we gain access to what we need to have the depth, connection, understanding, love, and passion we want most with our partner.

In other words, we develop into the best possible role model for being in a loving relationship—one non-sensitive people should aspire toward.

Of course, there are unhealthy ways our trait can be expressed. Ways that do lead to more hurt and struggle than harmony and love in relationships. These more “negative” aspects (like “touchiness”) are really only expressed when we have not learned how to consciously work with our sensitivity.

Once we do, the “negative” aspects fall away, leaving us with all the good parts that are most needed for the healing and thriving of relationships—and even the healing of our world!

Many things keep us playing out the negative aspects, but I’ve found that the biggest thing is believing old, outdated (and frankly wrong) judgments about sensitivity being a bad thing. Because it leads us to being self-critical and feeling bad about who we are.

When we berate and look down on ourselves for our sensitivity, we feel ashamed, we close off, we become more negative.

If we are at war with ourselves like this, we can’t open up our hearts to others or life. We are likely to feel like others are at war with us, so we take things personally and feel gripped by negativity and inner turmoil. We can’t come from sensitivity toward ourselves or toward others because we’re too bogged down.

I know this because I judged myself for my sensitivity plenty in the past, and it only forced me into a hole, hiding my light under self-judgment and anger at myself. That anger poked out left and right and spilled over onto my husband, hurting our marriage and leaving us miserable with each other.

After our divorce, I learned about HSPs, and that I was one. What an aha moment! I stopped trying to squash my sensitive nature as I learned to accept and even love it. I felt safe to honor it, and much happier and more relaxed in my skin (finally!).

Then, the best parts of my sensitivity were able to shine through naturally. And I was able to powerfully guide my second marriage into one that is now, by my definition, amazing.

How to Tap into the Healing Power of Your Sensitivity in Your Relationship

I bet many things you’ve been self-critical about are actually aspects of your sensitivity! That was the case for me. So consider and answer this question:

How might the things you’ve judged about your sensitivity be the things most needed to take your relationship to the depth and health you long for?

Take time to recognize the brilliance of your sensitivity, the healing it can bring your world. You are naturally wise, so go to your own mind and heart to come up with your answers.

Here are some hints from my experience and ponderings to get you going:

Could your emotionality be the antidote to the numbness and disconnection that are so often the kiss of death in an intimate relationship?

Could your capacity to feel big feelings be the deepest, most sustainable source of love in your partnership, carrying your partner in its tide?

Could the moments when you are flooded with overwhelming feelings in your relationship be an internal request to pause so you can process deeply—and reap the wise insights that arise from that pause that will take your love and understanding of each other to the next deep level?

Could your natural tendency to see the little things in yourself and others as flaws or problems help you  diagnose the areas that need to be healed or developed in your partner—and inside yourself—so you can thrive together as a couple? Could it be the call to become the most conscious, empowered, loving version of yourself, able to navigate both the joys and challenges of love with grace?

Could that same tendency to be bothered by little things and get easily irritated because of your subtle attunement to detail also be the very thing that helps you really know and be deeply attuned to your partner, and help him feel really known and loved? (My sensitivity helps me know my husband’s inner world without a word from him and allows me to understand what he’s going through. He’s told me many times some version of these words: I feel so supported, seen, and loved for who I am. I feel you really get me. I’m in awe of how in tune we can feel.” Hearing that feels like music to MY ears.)

Could your people-pleasing tendencies and over-concern about making sure your partner and others in your life aren’t upset be the compassion and conscientiousness we need to survive and thrive as a species? The very thing that inspires others to look out for each other with fierce care and kindness—once you’ve learned to bestow the same grace on yourself?

Could your need for quiet and space alone to decompress be just the example other humans need in order to put an end to this toxic fast-paced culture that robs us of actually enjoying life—and is even robbing the planet of life itself? Could it be just the thing our society needs to learn to slow down and de-stress so each of us can access the love, insight, and creative problem-solving we need to thrive in our partnerships and on this planet for generations more?

When I recognized the asset my sensitivity is, I was able to climb out of the hole of self-rejection and shame and change how I showed up in my relationship.

I could suddenly pay deeper attention to my partner, offer a little support here, a little insight there, say just the right thing at just the right time because I’m so sensitively aware, come up with creative solutions to navigate those inevitable sticky moments couples have, let my big wide heart out, and be all those things that I want my partner to be for me: loving, reassuring, aware, understanding, respectful.

I started living out the kind of love I’d only dreamed of before. And it caught on. My husband has learned to be way more empathetic with me, more caring, more attuned to me. Way more… sensitive.

We can pass on our gift of sensitivity to our partners by modeling it, by leading the way.

Do you see how your sensitivity is an underutilized healing resource in your love life? The highly responsive superpower of sensitivity that you embody enables you to lead your relationship in a much healthier and more loving direction, if you honor it.

It should be a goal to not only feel great about your sensitivity but to become more sensitive. In a healthy way.

The lack of tenderness, the instinct to shut down and disconnect, the lack of empathy and compassion and understanding that is so destructive in our marriages and in our world—it can end here with you. Now. Your sensitivity is the remedy!

We sensitives are the particular variation of human needed to sway our relationships into healing, if only we give ourselves the sensitivity, care, tenderness, and encouragement we need, by believing in ourselves instead of berating ourselves.

We are the ones to lead ourselves and others back to our hearts, back to compassion, care, and being in tune with others. Back to sensitivity.

Start by telling yourself the truth:

You are different from the “norm.” But different in just the way that’s most needed for love to thrive in your home and community.

If you really believed that, would you finally start appreciating the qualities that make you, you? Would you do all it took to cultivate them instead of squashing them? I would. I am. Let’s do so together.





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3 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Live a Simpler Life


“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
Confucius

This article is about a few mistakes I’ve made.

About a few destructive habits that can make life quite messy and unhappy.

And it’s about what you can do instead to replace those mistakes and habits with something better.

This article is all about uncovering simplicity if you find yourself having overcomplicated your life.

1. Stop overthinking things.

Few habits and mistakes are as common as getting stuck in overthinking.

I used to do it all the time.

And it led to a lot of analysis paralysis, to little action being taken on what I deep down wanted and to so much time and energy wasted.

What to do instead:

Set short deadlines.

When you have all the time in the world to consider something then that can often wind up in you spending a lot of time thinking about the situation at hand from every conceivable angle.

I have found that learning to set short deadlines is really helpful for this, although it take a bit to practice.

So for small decisions like if should go and do the dishes or go and work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.

For somewhat larger decisions that in the past would have taken me days or weeks to think through I set a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

Say stop in a situation where you know you can’t think straight.

I know that I’m more vulnerable to negative thinking and overthinking things when I’m hungry or when I’m close to my bedtime.

And so I have learned to stay away from thinking about anything important during that time.

And if such thoughts with a negative twist still pop up then I tell myself: No, no, we’re not going to think about this now.

Because I know that I will be back to thinking clearly and optimistically again if I just get some food or sleep.

I highly recommend finding your own situation(s) when you are more vulnerable to overthinking or pessimism. And to catch yourself and redirect your thoughts at such times.

2. Stop making your daily work busier and more complicated than it needs to be.

It’s very easy to get stuck in the same old rut at work or in school. To spend your hours there like you usually do and like most of the other people do too.

With a lot of time spent on busy work, procrastination and on being stressed on weekends or just before a deadline.

What to do instead:

Breathe and find what truly matters in the long run.

First, sit down and take a couple of deep breaths to relax and to focus your mind.

Then ask yourself: what is the most important thing I can do today?

Think about what would matter most in the long run when you ask yourself this question. Find just that one task.

Get started with that one task.

If you have trouble taking action and are slipping into procrastination then go smaller.

Tell yourself: I will work on this task for just 2 minutes.

Make getting started so easy on yourself that there is very little or no inner resistance in your mind.

Because if you just get started then it’s in my experience pretty easy to keep going for a while longer and to make a real dent in the task or even completing it.

3. Stop overcomplicating your relationships.

The fun, excitement and joy in a relationship of any kind can often be greatly reduced by simple and common thought mistakes.

Two such mistakes I’ve made too often in the past are to try to read minds and to go full in with creating drama.

What to do instead:

Ask.

Trying to mindread usually winds up in creating nightmare scenarios in your own mind.

Because reading minds is pretty much impossible and so it is very easy to project your own worst fears onto what this person might be thinking.

So instead start cultivating a habit of being a bit more direct. Cultivate a habit of asking and more clearly communicating to better understand each other.

Question your own drama.

There can be a sort of temporary pleasure or excitement in creating drama and making something bigger or more negative than it is.

In the short run and even more so in the long run it tends to be quite destructive though.

So start questioning your own drama.

Ask yourself:  

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

Ask it before you start creating and spreading drama to the people in your life.

Sure, the issue at hand may still have to be addressed but simplify it to what it truly is before you do that to avoid unnecessary conflicts, anger and hurt feelings.

And don’t forget to question other people’s drama too by asking yourself the same question.

Just because they want to create drama doesn’t mean that you have to get drawn into it.

 



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10 Things You Should Remind Yourself All The Time (2019)


You are what you tell yourself. Here are several things you should remind yourself every day.

Affirmations play an important role in shaping how we live life every day and who we will become. There is power in the mind and there is power in what you say. The truth is that, NO ONE can break you – unless you allow them to.

Other people’s opinions of you do not count unless you want them to. What you tell that person in the mirror every morning when you wake up to brush your teeth is what counts.

Here are a few things you should remind yourself all the time.

Things You Should Tell Yourself Daily

1. You are enough.

People need to hear this all the time. There is nobody and nothing in the entire world that can complete you other than God. You have got to realize that all you ever need to overcome and to thrive…lies right in you. Don’t go seeking for validation from elsewhere. Instead, look inside.

Things You Should Remind Yourself of

Look how far you’ve come, all you’ve been through, and yet you are still standing strong. Let that push you and motivate you each day. Let it give you the grace to summon strength from within and realize you are enough…

2. You are unique.

You are one-of-a-kind. No one can take your place, and you can’t take anyone’s place. Spend time watering your grass; no need to check whether your neighbor’s grass is greener or not. The world today has so many copies, so many impersonators, and so many people getting up each day and putting on facades.

Social media makes it seem as if XYZ has it all good (i.e. look at the cars, look at their amazing families; they always go on fancy holidays to Monaco, Singapore etc…). But the truth is that these material things do not bring satisfaction, they do not amount to happiness. They are just the results of success.

True happiness comes from knowing your place, knowing who God has called you to be. Each of us was made with unique abilities and the world needs that. The world needs your touch…so learn to embrace who you are. Embrace your uniqueness; it is your selling point.

3. Do not settle for less.

You were born extraordinary (these are not just sweet words to make you feel good). It is the truth – but it will never become a reality in your life until you believe it to be so.

You should have standards. It is important you remind yourself every day that “I’m not going settle for less than…I am going to keep working and stay focused until I reach my goal. Even then I’ll keep working…because success is a journey, not a destination”.

So wake up each day and tell yourself “I will NOT settle for less today in my spiritual walk, academics, workplace, business, finances, health, relationships, etc.”

4. You can do it!

Remind yourself that it is possible. Like the Nike slogan says ‘Just do it.Just take that first step, just make that cold call, just send that letter, and just apply for that college/company. Trying is always worth it. Impossible is just a word – and even the letters spell out ‘I’m possible.’

Act like that, dress like that, think the part, and believe the part. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, who challenge you to be a better you each day. Do not give up! Keep striving even when you fail. Get back up, try harder.

Fall down seven times, get back on the eighth! There is absolutely nothing in this world you can’t accomplish when set your mind to it and believe in yourself. It is one thing to try and it is another to remain dedicated, to remain committed against all odds.

5. You are blessed.

Nothing can be compared to the spirit of gratitude. Often, the hustle and bustle of life can blind us to how blessed we are: that you have a roof over your head, family, and friends who love you, that you have the opportunity to read such content, for health and vitality.

Things You Should Remind Yourself of

There is so much to be thankful for, you just have to open your eyes and consider the little things you often overlook. Someone out there is wishing they had the life you have…

More things to remind yourself daily

6. You will have bad days.

This point is gradually beginning to register in my head, slowly but surely. That is life – the high times and the low times. Some days are amazing – you get that call, you get that client or that promotion, you get a good grade or you pass a test, etc. Other days…nothing.

But what matters most, the most important thing, is your attitude during times like these. Do you choose to remain grateful or do you give in and complain? It is often during these times that true character is manifested. You have the choice of focusing on the positive or seeing the negative in every situation. What do you choose to see?

7. Do you.

So simple, so cliché, yet so true. Do what makes you happy. Trust that gut feeling. Follow your instincts no matter what the crowd is doing or what people are saying. There are so many voices around; so many opinions and background noise. Stay true to who you are.

8. Be yourself.

This is such an important thing to remind yourself of all the time. We have our mentors, celebrities, role models, so many people to emulate – but they can never be you. NO ONE can be you.

True glory comes when you can just be yourself…you don’t have to do what the Joneses are doing or buy what Mrs. So-and-So is buying just to follow the crowd. Stick to your values. Let people know the real you: you as a man or woman of integrity.

They might not tell you this, but they will respect you. Remember, you are always being watched.

9. You are not like XYZ.

We often tend to compare ourselves to other people: compare our lives, experiences, material possessions (i.e. comparing our ‘behind the scenes’ with someone else’s highlight reel). The truth is, no one has it all good. This is something I have been reminding myself of lately.

Everyone is going through their own ‘hullaballoo.’ Do not envy anyone, just appreciate your journey and trust the process.

10. It is going to be okay.

Everything is going to work out well. The money will come, the job/business idea will come, your spouse will come, true friends will come…in its own season. Your current situation is only temporary.

Things You Should Remind Yourself of

Everything has a beginning and an end. I want you to know that everything going on in your life right now is for a purpose, nothing happens by chance. It is all working together for the greater good – all to shape you into the man or woman you were meant to be.

One last thing…you’ve got this!

What are the other things you remind yourself of daily?

What are the other things you remind yourself of daily? What affirmations work for you? Please SHARE! I would love to know, so please write your thoughts below in the comment section.



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How to Manage Perfectionism | Everyday Power


Healthy ways to recognize and manage your perfectionism.

To understand how to manage perfectionism, you first need to know what drives it. Usually, we wind up as perfectionists when this behavior is modeled regularly by our parents or caretakers and when they consistently push us to be perfect.

It’s important to recognize that, in most cases, they wanted us to do well because they loved us and, most likely, had no idea that trying to shape us into flawless beings could possibly do us any harm.

Here are some steps to take to recognize and manage perfectionism:

• Observe this tendency in yourself

If you tend to go above and beyond more often than not, observe your behavior. You’ll need to do this for a while in various situations to get a full picture of the extent of your perfectionism. Check out your behavior at work, at play, at home, with your children and in any setting in which you think you might be putting in too much effort.

If you pay close attention, you’ll note an inner sense that you need to keep doing something to get it right and feel as if you can’t stop if you don’t. You might also notice that you keep driving yourself forward in the hopes of getting approval.

Should this happen a great deal, you are likely to have strong perfectionist tendencies. If you go for the gold in only one or two areas of your life, you might have things just right.

This may mean that you’re selective about where you put your time and effort. Alternately, most across-the-board perfectionists are all too aware of the fact that they have this trait.

• Understand how you developed this trait

Think back to your childhood and ask yourself some questions: Were either of my parents perfectionists or was anyone else who played a major part in my upbringing?

What was the emotional tenor of my childhood apropos doing things right—or wrong? Was there a competitive feeling in the family? Was success or excelling more highly regarded than other qualities?

Here are more questions to ask yourself: What happened when I didn’t do things perfectly? Of course, perfectionism translates into what your parents thought was perfect, right or acceptable. When you didn’t do something just so, did your parents express grave disappointment in or anger at you?

Were you pushed beyond your natural abilities or compared to others and found lacking? Were you punished, shamed, teased, or humiliated? Did your parents withdraw love when you did anything in less than a stellar way? Did you feel chronically not good enough?

• Evaluate your experience of feeling bad or wrong in childhood

Many people become perfectionists because anything less makes them feel as if they’re bad or wrong. As a child, especially if your parents were intolerant of mistakes or failures, feeling bad or wrong was just about the worst thing that could happen to you, particularly if it happened regularly.

Perfectionism is a learned trait that we’re conditioned to pursue for adaptive reasons. Maybe you kept trying to hit a home run or bake a cake, ace geometry, play the piano, ski down the black diamond trails, or take first place in spelling contests because you didn’t want to fail.

As children, it’s normal to be desperate for praise and approval and that desperation often becomes an ingrained habit that morphs into perfectionism.

Ask yourself what the opposite of achieving perfection is. People usually say failure is accompanied by shame or humiliation. In most cases, being afraid of making mistakes and of letting others down is what leads to the need to be perfect. If you associate failure with having less-than views of yourself, you’ll naturally want to be perfect to avoid them.

• Identify your beliefs about mistakes and failure

To manage perfectionism, make a list of what you believe about mistakes and failure such as:

  • I shouldn’t make mistakes.
  • Mistakes can be avoided if I try hard enough.
  • Failure is a terrible thing, to be avoided at all costs.
  • If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.
  • I always need to try my hardest or give an endeavor my best shot.
  • I must be perfect to be lovable and loved.

Would you be surprised to learn that none of the above statements are true? No one can live without making mistakes and failing occasionally. They are both a natural, normal part of life. Accepting this truth will go a long way toward reframing your attitude toward perfection.

• Reframe your beliefs about mistakes and failure

Here are some healthy beliefs about mistakes and failure. Notice how you feel as you read through them, especially if you have a reaction that I must be wrong and that these beliefs couldn’t possibly be healthy.

If you have such a response, know that you’ve been wrongly indoctrinated on the subject of mistakes and failure and that this is why you’re such a dyed in the wool perfectionist.

  • Everyone makes mistakes and I’m no different.
  • The world won’t fall apart if I make a mistake or fail, even when I try my hardest.
  • Failure is normal and natural and cannot be avoided.
  • I can do something imperfectly without failing at it.
  • I don’t need to excel at everything and I can choose where I wish to and where I don’t.
  • I’m lovable and expect to be loved as a flawed human being.

• Forget about always doing your best

The truth is you don’t need to be perfect at anything or everything. My father brought me up according to the adage, “Good, better, best, never let it rest, ‘til the good is better and the better is the best” and I spent half a lifetime shedding that unhelpful piece of advice, though I have absolutely no doubt that my loving father meant well by encouraging me to live by it. My guess is that he was raised with the same expectation and that, as a highly competent, successful man, he never questioned it.

Why not start from the premise that you’re going to do some things well in your life and some things poorly, that you have strengths and weaknesses just like the rest of us, and that your success or failure in an activity has absolutely nothing to do with your value as a human being.

Working off this assumption, you then won’t misinterpret what doing poorly means. Of course, you might still wish to shine in, say, math, but doing poorly won’t define you’re worth or affect your self-esteem.

• Stop measuring yourself against perfection

If we measure every aspect of ourselves against some perfect ideal, we’ll be pretty bummed out nearly all the time.

Considering that humans are imperfect beings and that we can’t control the universe, how can we insist that whatever we’re engaged in—playing tennis, parenting a child, giving a speech, or taking a vacation—must be a complete success?

Whenever humans are involved, we need to toss out the concept of flawless and get real. And real means flaws, faults, frailties and defects. Real means good enough, close-but-no-cigar and, often, only the best we can do at any given time.

• Decide how well you wish to do at certain activities

When you try to do everything well, you’re setting yourself up for stress, distress and exhaustion. We soon run out of steam if we try to do our best at everything. And, who says that we need to?

Mental and physical energy are not infinite resources and human beings often get depleted from trying too hard. When that happens we look for quick fixes in food or alcohol, may become irritable with others and, in frustration, often want to chuck whatever we’re trying to do and give up.

Consider this. What if you didn’t try to do everything perfectly and give every endeavor your best shot? The advantage of this mindset, to which I wholly subscribe, is that you would then have enough energy to do the things that are important to do well with excellence.

Try this: Think of endeavors as falling into the categories of excellent, good, fair or poor. When I work with clients on reducing their all-or-nothing mindset of perfectionism versus failure, I suggest that they imagine baskets with these labels on them, then determine which tasks or efforts go in which baskets.

For example, my excellent basket contains wishing to do my best as a wife, friend, and in doing therapy with clients. My aim is to do a good job as a writer, staying abreast of the news, and being politically active in my community, while I’m content to be a good-to-fair housekeeper, cook and bookkeeper for my private practice.

And, I’m okay with being a poor gardener. The point is that I don’t strive to be my best at everything I do. I don’t care if guests enter my house and compliment me on my spotless domain or leave my house raving about my cooking.

I do a decent job at bookkeeping, but find it difficult and have settled for being merely adequate at it. There are much better writers than I am, but I’m satisfied with being a “good” rather than a “great” one.

To be honest, I’m a big fan of being good enough at most things, period. I’d rather put time and effort into doing well at what I enjoy and excel in and not so much into what I don’t value or simply don’t have the smarts, talent or inclination for.

For example, when I was attending Simmons College School of Social Work, most of my classmates were driving themselves crazy trying to get top grades, while I was thrilled that I’d chosen to go the pass/fail route to reduce the pressure and increase the pleasure of graduate school. Good enough is generally good enough for me.

• Recognize when perfectionism or near perfection is important

There are jobs and times when you will wish for and seek perfectionism. If you’re a surgeon, you’ll want to do a perfect job. It’s a necessity for you and for your patients.

Ditto, if you’re a nurse dispensing medication or a lawyer arguing a death penalty case. In fact, if you work in any profession where safety, including public safety, is your focus, you’ll want to aim for no mistakes. Shooting for perfect also makes sense when you’re applying for a job, trying to make a team, or are an Olympic competitor.

There are other jobs and endeavors where striving for perfection is de rigueur. Think of saving perfection for things that really, really, really matter. That does not include making the world’s juiciest, most tender Thanksgiving turkey, folding towels, or shoveling snow.

• Learn to enjoy your imperfection

Practice laughing at your mistakes, sharing your bloopers with your friends, owning up to your own failures before someone else points them out, allowing yourself to be fair to midland at things, giving up trying to make things work out right all the time and, instead, riding with the tide and going with the flow.

Go for broke on being flawed. I once wrote a newspaper article on “The Art of Mediocrity” which extolled the merits and benefits of striving to be a mediocre skier because I doubted I’d have enough fun if I forced myself to focus strictly on perfect form.

I feel the same way as a lifelong (though on-and-off) tap dancer who’s still an advanced beginner. In fact, I challenge anyone to say they have a better time in tap class than I do. Perfectionism is a kind of slavery, whereas imperfection can feel like glorious freedom.

Throw off the shackles of having to do your best in every endeavor and start deciding exactly where you want to put your effort. When you do, you’ll find that you have oodles of energy for the things you really wish to do well and that life becomes more satisfying and enjoyable.

As an extra bonus, people will probably find your more relaxed attitude, a good deal more pleasant to be around. Good enough might actually feel just perfect.

What steps are you taking to manage your perfectionism? I’d love to hear all about it in the comment section below. Also, don’t forget to share with your friends and followers.



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Why Keeping Your Dreams To Yourself Is a Good Idea


Everybody has had a dream at some point or another during their lifetime. Whether it was dreams of your wedding day when you were six years old or dreams about being the next Hulk Hogan, every little person that grows up to be a big person has had a dream for their life.

While I am a HUGE advocate for having a team of supportive people around you, you also have to be mindful of the chaos that can arise from having too many voices speaking at one time.

I do believe that at the human core, we all have ample amounts of goodness in us – we want to see others win. We love to see our friends and family members happy. We’d expect that they’d desire the same from us in return, right?

Well, more often than not, our expectations of others are unmet. We find out that there is a little bit of underlying jealousy and pessimism lurking behind the scenes. And sometimes, we don’t realize it until it’s too late.

This is a sign that every now and again, keeping your excitement to yourself is sometimes the best option. When it comes to goals and dreams, it’s often better to keep it to yourself.

Based on my own personal experience and the first accounts of a few good people I know, here are a few good reasons why you should keep your dreams to yourself.

On Goals and Dreams: 4 Reasons To Keep It To Yourself

1. The ones you share your dreams with may try to talk you out of them.

keep it to yourself

Some of the people who may share your excitement when it comes to your dreams are usually the individuals that will try to discourage you from following it. Deep down inside, those you share your dreams with may be questioning their own – and in turn, they’ll question yours. 

They’ll ask “how” and “why” and “what happens if…” , things you may have already considered. But hearing them from the mouths of others may get to you. Unless you’re unshakably sure about what it is you desire to see for yourself, don’t allow someone else the opportunity to change your mind. For now, it might be best to keep it to yourself.

2. Sometimes people are not as happy for you as they depict themselves to be.

keep it to yourself

It’s a part of our innate human nature to WANT things. Sometimes, we want what others have – especially if it seems like it brings them a happiness we may lack. What does this mean? Just because they seem to be happy for you, they really may not be.

This kind of interaction affects us on a deeper emotional level than on the surface, because it toys with our emotions. We start questioning ourselves instead of the person sending negative vibes our way. “Maybe this dream is too big for me.” “If they don’t see how great this is, others may not either”, and so on.

Whenever you sense that someone in your circle may NOT be rooting for you as you think they should, don’t take it personal. Allow them to feel whatever it is they feel. Better yet, ask them HOW you can improve your plan to make your dream a reality. People like to feel included.

3. Your biggest supporters may be your biggest critics.

keep it to yourself

I once read this statement on a social media post and it changed my world:

“Stop taking constructive criticism from those who have never constructed anything!”

So often, the loudest voices are the voices of those who talk a lot but seldom act on what they say. And what good can that do? Nothing for you or them.

Know that criticism is NOT always a bad thing. Be willing to accept it – if and only if – it comes from a reputable source. If otherwise, it might be best to simply keep it to yourself. Remember: dream killers don’t fit the position!

4. Your dreams need your protection.

keep it to yourself

There is only one YOU. No matter how similar someone else’s dreams may seem to yours, only YOU can make your dreams happen the way you want them to. Just as you have to shield yourself from negativity, you have to do the same for your dream.

Keep it to yourself for protection. Treat your dreams like a newborn baby. Without the proper attention, nutrition, and constant validation, just as a baby won’t develop, neither will your dream. Protect it from those who may not want it to grow.

And because you may never know all those who may be against you, sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Let the product of your work speak for you.

The key to making your dream a reality is to believe so strongly in it that even if you have to make it happen alone, you are more than willing to do so. Don’t allow those who cannot control your destiny to deter you from doing what your soul desires to do.

You are in charge of seeing your dreams happen.



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56 Grandpa Quotes & Grandfather Sayings


Read these wise grandpa quotes to remind you of the bond you have with your grandfather.

When a grandfather holds their grandchild for the first time, it is an instantaneous love. The bond that a grandpa has for their grandbaby is a special bond that is like no other relationship.

What makes grandfathers so special?

As the child grows, the grandpa becomes to mean so much. A grandpa is a protector, a role model, a friend, and a consultant, and a confidant. Children know that their grandpas would do anything for them. 

These wise grandfather quotes share an insight into the relationship of a child and their grandpa. Grandfathers are a source of inspiration for a grandchild, just as the grandchild is an inspiration to their grandfather.

Also check out these getting older quotes and sayings that will make you embrace the beauty in aging.

Inspirational grandpa quotes

1. “My grandfather was a wonderful role model. Through him I got to know the gentle side of men.” – Sarah Long

2. “CJ, let me tell you something, don’t ever, ever underestimate the will of a Grandfather. We’re madmen, we don’t give a damn; we got here before you and they will be here after you. We’ll make enemies, we’ll break laws, we’ll break bones, but you will not mess with the grandchildren!” – President Josiah Bartlet (Martin Sheen), The West Wing

3. “Grandfathers give us not only wisdom and encouragement, but they are an inspiration to us.” — Kate Summers

4. “My grandfather did a lot of things in his life. What he was most proud of was raising his family.” — Tagg Romney

5. “Grandparenting is our consummate opportunity to serve rather than to be served, to love without taking offense, and to cheerlead and hand-hold those who come behind.” – Marty Norman

6. “My Granddad was very protective of his family, and always wanted the best for us.” – Naomi Dowdy

7. “Not a tenth of us who are in business are doing as well as we could if we merely followed the principles that were known to our grandfathers.” — William Feather

8. “Being an exceptional grandfather is not about changing your grandkids. It is about changing yourself.” — Eyre Richard

9. “To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.” — Robert Brault

10. “We grandparents are God’s special gifts to grandchildren, to our adult children and to the world.” — Rich Bimler

If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of grandparent quotes about the power of family.

11. “My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.” ―Indira Gandhi

12. “I was taught by my grandfather that anything that your mind can conceive, you can have. It’s a reality.” ―Lenny Kravitz

Funny grandfather quotes

13. “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather — not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” – Wil Shriner

14. “I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran, killed 20 men, then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.” – Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson), The Office

15. “Grandfathers know a lot. I know this because I am a grandfather and I feel like I know a lot of things, and frankly I’m rarely wrong.” – Blaine Pardoe

16. “No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet.” — Unknown

17. “My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.” — Louis Adamic

18. “As my father-in-law says, he planned extensively to be a father, but becoming a grandfather just happened. He didn’t have a chance to prepare.” — Elizabeth Laban

19. “Grandfather was well known for being stubborn in his ideas. For instance, you had to go to sleep facing east so that you would be ready to greet the sun when it returned.” — Michael Dorris

20. “Grandchildren don’t stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them.” ― Gene Perret

You might also like these wise legacy quotes to remind you of where you come from.

Wise grandpa quotes

21. “One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather.” – Joy Hargrove

22. “Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.” – Lewis Mumford

23. “Grandfathers do have a special place in the lives of their children’s children. They can delight and play with them and even indulge them in ways that they did not indulge their own children. Grandfather knows that after the fun and games are over with his adorable grandchildren he can return to the quiet of his own home and peacefully reflect on this phenomenon of fatherhood.” – Alvin Poussaint

24. “Grandpa got us up early, otherwise we might miss something. Sunsets, he loved ’em. Made us love ’em.” — Lucille Ball

25. “Just as knowledge is derived from information, wisdom begins with knowledge, grows with experience, and is empowered by discernment.” — Joseph Marshall III

26. “Grandpas are a wealth of information.” — Bryna Nelson Paston

27. “One thing you always taught me grandfather is that patience which is the length of time is better than anything, there is no reason to rush in life, better things come with patience.” — Nicole Gopher Mampuya

28. “Becoming a father is usually a rational, participatory act. Becoming a grandfather is, at best, an irrational one: Without anyone asking your permission or advice, you suddenly find yourself cohabiting with a grandmother.” – Myron LaBan

29. “To be able to watch your children’s children grow up is truly a blessing from above.” — Byron Pulsifer

30. “You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.” — Irish Proverb

31. “I don’t know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.” – Abraham Lincoln

32. “Advice to those who want to be a good grandfather? Be compassionate, understanding and loving. Spend as much time with your descendants as you can. Let them know you appreciate and have confidence in the younger generations. Our example is more than our words; the lives we live speak louder than our words.” — Ron A. Bishop

Heartwarming grandfather quotes

33. “One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather.” – Joy Hargrove

34. “There are fathers who do not love their children; there is no grandfather who does not adore his grandson.” – Victor Hugo

35. “More and more, when I single out the person out who inspired me most, I go back to my grandfather.” – James Earl Jones

36. “Grandfathers are magicians who create wonderful memories for their grandchildren.” —Unknown

37. “Being a grandfather is one of the true joys of life; it is an awesome time.” – Catherine Pulsifer

38. “A godly grandmother or grandfather is always welcome in a child’s life. But being a godly praying “Gramma” or “Grampa” is a gift you can deliberately give your grandchildren even if you don’t see them often.” — Stormie Omartian

39. “A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart.” —Unknown

40. “I’m going to be your grandpa! I have the biggest smile. I’ve been waiting to meet you for such a long, long while.” — Billy Crystal

41. “The sweetest sound to the ears of a grandfather is the endearing name his grandchildren give him. It not only conveys recognition but also a depth of feeling expressed in no other way.” — Carolyn Booth

42. “The work of a father and now grandfather is my most important role. I still cherish the moments we share.” — Akil White Khalid

Loving grandpa quotes

43. “A grandfather makes us laugh, makes us feel safe, and always makes us feel loved.” — Kate Summers

44. “A baby has a way of making a man out of his father and a boy out of his grandfather.” — Angie Papadakis

45. “Being a grandfather gives us a second chance at being a dad without all the day-to-day duties of being a dad. Fathers get one chance at being a dad.” — Dr Richard B Liposky

46. “Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.” ― Welsh Proverb

47. “My grandfather was a man, when he talked about freedom, his attitude was really interesting. His view was that you had obligations, or you had responsibilities, and when you fulfilled those obligations or responsibilities, that then gave you the liberty to do other things.” ― Clarence Thomas

48. “Being a grandparent is one of the best feelings you will ever have. It can even be the best time of your life. Your kids are grown. There’s time for you. Now you can have fun!” — Janet Steele

49. “You have to be young to be a grandfather. If you aren’t, being a grandfather will make you young again.” — Zezima Jerry

50. “Every parent knows that children look at their grandparents as a source of wisdom and security.” —David Jeremiah

If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of wisdom quotes from the world’s greatest minds.

More grandpa quotes

51. “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres

52. “In this huge old occidental culture our teaching elders are books. Books are our grandparents!” – Gary Snyder

53. “When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.” – Ogden Nash

54. “When she smiles, the lines in her face become epic narratives that trace the stories of generations that no book can replace.” – Curtis Tyrone Jones

55. “The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.” – Sam Levenson

56. “Grandparents are extremely rich folks with silver in their hair and gold in their hearts.” – Mamur Mustapha

Did you enjoy these grandfather quotes?

Grandpa, pops, grampy, gramps, grandfather… Whatever it is that you call your grandpa, you know that you are lucky to have such a special person in your life.

These grandpa quotes are a loving reminder to the wise, strong, and gentle person you’re lucky to call grandfather. No matter what, you know that your grandfather always has your back. He will always be there, cheering you on from the sidelines and supporting you in your goals, just like he’s been doing since the day you were born. 

Which loving grandpa quote was your favorite? Do you have a special story about your grandpa that you’d like to share with us? Let us know in the comment section below.



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